Grammar: it’s everywhere. And, as soon as someone identifies himself as an expert, you can almost always safely assume he’s going to judge you anytime you end a sentence with a preposition.

I’m no grammar czar; I’m just here to help improve your grammar and make your life more awesome.

Good grammar is wonderful because it opens doors — to job interviews, romantic relationships and even elegant parties where people drink wine from bottles (I always thought it only came in boxes). By improving your grammar, your Facebook friends will rightly assume you’ve started wearing a gold-rimmed monocle while playing polo on your yacht. Fancy!

Let’s start with your family — yeah, we’re going there. Specifically, when you want to sign your family’s collective name on a holiday card or get it laser etched on a fake rock for your front lawn, how do you write it? Is it The Millers or The Miller’s?

Everyone likes a good party (after all, that’s why you’re improving your grammar, right?), and apostrophes are like sentence confetti, adding a fun flair to your scintillating syntax. But a misplaced apostrophe is like confetti at a funeral — inappropriate and impossible to undo.

To make your last name plural, never add an apostrophe. Just don’t do it. “The Millers went to the concert” is correct. Adding an apostrophe to your last name makes it possessive: “Did you see The Millers’ cool new van?”

If your last name ends with s, z, x, ch or sh, simply add es to make it plural: “Season’s greetings from The Foxes.” If your last name ends in any other letter (including y), simply add an s: “The Honeycutts are incredibly photogenic.”

So, if you’re considering adding your family’s name on the back of your luxury yacht, write “The Millers.” Adding an apostrophe will simply get you uninvited from those swanky boat parties, leaving you to sadly drink your boxed wine alone while you sadly stalk everyone else’s happy boat photos on Facebook.

I’m not looking to drop the grammar hammer down on anyone; in fact, I’d like you (and whoever is reading this) to step up your collective grammar game in order to make the world a little more awesome. If you have a grammar faux pas or conundrum you’d like to share with me, drop me a line.

— Curtis Honeycutt is a freelance humor writer. Connect with him on Twitter (@curtishoneycutt) or at curtishoneycutt.com.