The Rolla Daily News - Rolla, MO
Thoughts and stories from a mom who just ain't right in the head.
Facebook Friday! It's a 2 Week Wrap-Up because I totally didn't do one last week.
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About this blog
By Patti Ford
Patti (Rust) Ford grew up in Rolla and now lives in Houston, Texas where she is a popular blogger and is working on book of humorous essays about her life.
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March 9, 2013 12:01 a.m.

Last Friday I didn't do a weekly wrap-up because I joined in to help my friend Mary Tyler Mom do her blog blast to raise money for St. Baldricks. If you missed it, make sure you go back and read it HERE and donate a little money if you can. It's for a great cause.
Anyways, today's wrap-up is a two week version.
Popular Facebook Posts:
I was getting new tires on my car and the dude told me that I was getting $75.00 back cuz they're having a rebate sale, so I said "Woo hoo! Do I want to go to a strip club or get a cheap hooker? I have big Decisions to make!" And he said "You're really gonna tear it up, huh?" And I said "Heck yeah! It's free fun money!" You shoulda seen the looks on the faces of the people behind me in line. My friend Jeanette happened to be there getting a tire fixed and I think she was proud to be associated with me. Or possibly horrified. But I'm gonna go with proud.<>
If Bohemian Rhapsody comes on and you don't drop everything to sing the heck out of it at the top of your lungs, I don't think we can be friends.
In my status bar Facebook keeps asking me "What's happening, Mom-Brain?" and it's starting to annoy me. What is this? 1978? Where's Re-run? Where's Raj? Or maybe it's a Sixteen Candles reference? If so, I wish FB would drop the Mom-Brain and just call me Hot Stuff. You're smothering me, FB. It's like an annoying, overbearing boyfriend I had in high school who was always staring at me and saying "Whatchu thinkin' about?" and then I'd say "How I could kill someone and make it look like an accident" or "I'm trying to start a fire with my mind." Dear Facebook, What's happening is that I am on my 4th load of laundry, packing for a trip, trying to pre-make some meals for my family, write a blog, and I just picked my underwear outta my butt. What's happening with you?<>
The Boy has decided to have a Flashback Monday and watch some Max and Ruby, so I have decided to bash the tv in with a sledgehammer. Or maybe I'll just leave the room. I guess that seems like a calmer way to handle it. The only good thing about this situation is that The Boy has finally started analyzing the show. He just asked me where their parents were and said it was really lame that their Grandma lived down the street yet didn't seem to give a crud that her 4 and 7 year old grandkids were living totally alone. My theory has always been that Ruby murdered their parents because she is a controlling beeotch and they were cramping her bossy style. They are buried underneath the sandbox in the backyard. I think Grandma, and everyone else in town, knows what happened and is afraid to do anything about it cuz Ruby will kill them next. I'm pretty sure I'm right about this.<>
So in carpool I was rockin' out to some Gnarls Barkley and The Boy had the nerve to say the following:??The Boy: Oh my god, mom. Your voice is shredded. It's like, really, really crappy.?Me: Duh, I have a cold.?The Boy: Oh wow. Wow. Wow. That's like the most epic lie I've ever heard. ?Me: Lie? Why would I lie about having a cold? I have a cold! My voice sounds funny because my throat is sore.?The Boy: I hate to tell you this but your voice sounds like that all the time. You really didn't know that? You really think it's because of a cold? Wow, mom. That's just so sad.??Then he tsked me. He totally tsked me
I woke up feeling amazing. My new bed makes me sleep like little Baby Jeebus swaddled in a blanket woven from the hair of magical unicorns in a bassinet full of angel feathers and myrrh. ??Then I woke up The Boy. ??The Boy has turned it up to eleven, and is now lying on the couch where he keeps pulling his legs up over his head and farting, asking me a crap load of "Would you rather's?" and just in case that wasn't enough to make me wanna vomit, he's watching Max and Ruby again. Grandma keeps laughing for no reason.cI think she is high in this one. If I was that bitchy bunny's grandma I know I would be. Now I think we know what she grows in her garden.??Any just one more FYI: The Boy just said to me, and I quote, "Mom, why do you look so much older in the mornings?<>
Other Nonsense:
-My friend over at a blog called Kelley's Break Room does a fun little segment on her Facebook Fan Page called "What's in her bag?" and she invited me to dump my purse ans hare the contents with her readers. Don't be frightened.
-I was in New Orleans last weekend with my friend Stephanie, and we had a blast. I had some good Facebook posts during that trip, but I didn't include them in this wrap-up because if I can get my head outta my ass I'll be writing a full blog post about those shenanigans next week.
Contest Alert:
In honor of you guys being so awesome, I am giving away an item from my purse. It's the Zombie in a Bottle. They are made by Sparkly Pony and sold on Etsy. She has been kind enough to donate the one that I have in my purse, as well as 2 more to give to my readers. All you have to do to enter is comment on this post and include your email so that I can contact you to get your mailing address. 2 winners will be chosen at random by using the random number generator. I moderate comments so they won't publish right away. Please only comment once. (Here is a link to Sparkly Pony's FB Page)
Contest ends Sunday the 10th at midnight. Winner will be announced Monday the 11th.
Good Luck!
And last but not least, the book that I am in is now available. Here is the cover:
It is already #9 on Amazon's Parenting and Family books list and we haven't even advertised it yet, so we are all pretty proud. To order it go up to the tabs under my blog header and click "Buy This Book!" or look at the right sidebar and click on the picture of the book cover. If you like the book after reading it, we would LOVE it if you would take the time to give us an Amazon review. If you hate it, just shut yo mouth. Deal? (If you are on a mobile device and can't see my sidebar OR header, click HERE to go to Amazon to purchase on Kindle or in Paperback)
Here are links to just a few of the lovely bloggers that are also featured in the book. Check them out!

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