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The Rolla Daily News - Rolla, MO
Not Quite Dead but Almost Buried
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By lostinsuburbiablog
Nov. 27, 2012 12:01 a.m.



“Hello?”

“Hi, Mrs. Berkerman?”

“It’s Beckerman.”

“Oh. I have Berkerman here. Must be a mistake.”

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m thrilled to tell you that you’ve won a free upgrade on your final resting place.”

“Excuse me?”

“You purchased a plot in a section of our cemetery called Heaven’s Gate which is close to the road and we have upgraded you to a section of the cemetery called Rainbow’s End next to a babbling brook.”

“I don’t own a cemetery plot.”

“Well, maybe your husband bought it for you.”

“I can’t even get him to buy me flowers for my birthday. I don’t think he bought me a cemetery plot.”

“It says right here that the plot is in the name of Tracy Berkerman.”

“I’m not Tracy Berkerman. I’m Tracy Beckerman.”

“Must be a typo.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, Rainbow’s End is a lovely location for a final resting place. It’s much nicer to be next to the brook than the road.”

“If I’m dead, why would it matter to me if I’m next to the road or next to the babbling brook?”

“It’s nicer for the loved ones who visit you.”

“Who, the Berkermans?”

“Huh?”

“Cuz I don’t think they would really care if they are visiting me next to a road or next to a brook if I’m not the person who is supposed to be buried there.”

“Who is supposed to be buried there?”

“Apparently someone named Tracy Berkerman.”

“Isn’t that you?”

“No. And I don’t own a plot in Heaven’s Gate next to a road in your cemetery or any other cemetery.”

“Well, you really should think about purchasing one. You don’t want to leave that decision to your grieving relatives. We actually have some lovely plots available at very reasonable prices.”

“How much?”

“Starting at $4500.”

“Wow! Good thing then that I already own one. You know, me… Tracy Berkerman.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t you.

“I’ll take that secret to the grave.”

©2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.



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